It’s true that some people that are neurologically divergent have a hard time remembering to do some things that are considered polite like offering to get someone food if they are getting some for themselves. It’s a misconception that this is an “autistic thing” and even with autism it’s not as black and white as people make it out to be.
Different mental illnesses make it hard for people to understand or remember social cues. To a different extent this is also true for people who are physically disabled. The neurochemistry that actually goes into thinking about social niceties is complicated and a lot of it has to do with the development of the prefrontal cortex which makes this all the more difficult.
A human’s frontal lobe is the last part of the brain that matures around 25 to 26 years old. It goes without saying that someone who is neurologically divergent matures every part of their brain differently but a lot of it has to do with how the disabled person was conditioned. It can be a much bigger problem for people who are raised as a “disabled child” instead of a child.
The prefrontal cortex is what wear your memory recall comes from but it also predicts reasonable outcomes; it’s essentially the ability to predict consequences to actions. If a person is hungry, they need not only know how to do something like make a sandwich correctly but also be able to depend on the reasonable outcome that that will solve their hunger. This is simple enough until you consider on most also account for social niceties and cues as well as navigating accessibility issues.
This is why a two-year-old isn’t great at making a sandwich or is going to think to ask if you’d like one. If people needed that ability at two years old our brains would have evolved very differently. A two-year-old doesn’t need to know how to make a sandwich because among all human cultures adults provide food for the children. They also protect them from danger which is crucial, even when making a sandwich.
A two-year-old doesn’t have to worry about the repercussions of not knowing how to make a sandwich or not knowing/caring if anyone else wants one. They don’t have to be able to identify what is free for them to use as opposed to food that belongs to someone else. They don’t have to navigate the social and physical landscape to literally attain resources. A two-year-old also doesn’t have the ability to tell edible foods from inedible once which is why children tend to prefer sweet things, in nature bitter foods are more likely to be poisonous, but that changes to some extent as they grow older and begin to have the mere capacity to avoid danger. What nature can’t provide are actual techniques besides basic fight, flight, or freeze instincts and the more advanced techniques come from social conditioning.
When this is applied to activities that are little more nuanced, especially for marginalized people, it evokes a very personal social conditioning.
Women are more conscious of risks and outcomes when they are in public or at night because they have to deal with dangers that men don’t. Specifically because that danger comes from men. It becomes a learned instinct for women to hold their keys like knives, whereas the majority of men never needed that skill.
This is also how disabled people, both physically and neurologically, have a distinct culture even though until recently we haven’t been allowed to interact publicly. A lot of disabled people, especially ones with physical disabilities, dye their hair in unnatural colors or shave it unusually. This is a safety mechanism because it’s a visual cue to NTAB humans that we are not a danger. We come in peace. It signifies that we have the cognitive ability to choose an unconventional hairstyle and have the ability/resources to get one. Many young disabled people claim that this is not only necessary in public, but you will receive but better medical attention from people in the medical field it’s so because an NTAB human (which most are) has an innate need to provide for their own kind. At first it seems counterintuitive because this phenomenon has been theorized to be the root cause of race/gender/sexual bigotry so looking different from what is socially/culturally acceptable is dangerous but it’s more dangerous for disabled people if they can’t broadcast that they are different. It conveys that they are different from NTABs, meaning we know our place, but also that we are different from other disabled people. NTAB’s are less likely to associate negative stereotypes of disability the further you distance yourself from other disabled people.
Ironically, in disabled subcommunities like cripple punk it has started to become a sign of solidarity.
As I said, it’s mostly about social conditioning. A disabled child might not be conditioned to be polite in certain ways because they remain infandalized. A disabled child may be conditioned to only serve themselves because simple interactions, even among family, can often result in abuse because they are associated with being an animal instead of a human animal.
It is reasons like these that most all disabled people are conditioned against danger by not talking to other people, not sitting too close to other people, being anxious in casual situations, profusely apologizing and thanking people, being hostile towards strangers so they keep their distance, and accept things that NTABs would be furious about like the genocide of their own kind.